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'Ducks and pigs and chickens call/Animal carpet wall to wall/American ladies five-foot tall in blue'.

You will have to be older to have recognised these lyrics without a prompt. Graham Nash wrote Marrakesh Express in 1969, based, it is said, on a 1966 train journey he did from Casablanca to Marrakesh, where he abandoned his First-Class seat in order to join a carriage filled with animals and locals, and experience the 'real Morocco'. What the American ladies five-foot tall were doing down there I do not know.

He's coming down the road. Fast. Towards you. He may be on two wheels, but he is as intimidating as any car, van or truck. It is hard to judge exactly his distance from you, or speed. You would be unwise to risk crossing the road when he is in your sights.

There has to be a sense of gloating self-satisfaction in escaping the UK in January, even more so if your journey out and back is not disrupted by weather, industrial action or mechanical failure.

I have never thought that I suffered from Seasonal Affective Disorder, but I have come to dread this month, and in 2026 the Gods have served up the UK with a delicious and unremitting cocktail of snow, rain and freezing temperatures, like an interrogator waiting for a suspect to break.

The subject of children may not be for everyone, but if it does not turn you off, here is my take on the next stage on.

I did not live in expectation of becoming a grandad. Of course I quietly hoped for it, but it was better to enjoy being a dad, and if grandchildren were to arrive, then great. 

And they have arrived, two in the last eighteen months (one to each daughter, to avoid any confusion), and it has been great.

I am in exalted company. I have read that Meghan Markle has just hit a 90 day streak in French.

Duolingo is a highly successful language learning app. You score points (XPs) from various activities including speaking. There are leagues, and you move up and down dependent on how much you practise. The app is fronted by Duo, a cartoony owl.