It is officially Christmas until the end of 6th January. Those of the Christian tradition (includes those now recovered from sozzled Midnight Mass) might say that you can keep the Tree up until Candlemas - this year 2nd February.
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Thus a hangover story - not that type of hangover - from Christmas is not inappropriate at the beginning of month:
Child on the Heath, singing: 'A party in a pear tree.'
Hampstead father: 'No, it's partridge.'
Personally I prefer 'party'
Tousle-haired chap enters stage left: 'Party, did anyone say party?!'
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A journalist writes on the dying art of thank you letters. She discusses how a person feels when an expected thank you letter does not arrive. So, here is a quiz question. Focussing on a noun, how did she describe the non-[ ] of the letter. My guess is that if you are over 40 you will probably have used 'non-arrival'. Under 50? A chance that you would have used 'non-landing'.
And yes, the rest of the piece goes on to discuss emails supplanting letters.
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A repeat: published poets should stick to writing their poems and not reading them. Reference in New Year to Carole Ann Duffy (for gender balance, also Simon Armitage).
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You buy a house. After completion your solicitors apply to HM Land Registry for registration of your ownership. After a while you ask your solicitors for an update. They check, and confirm that the registration has been processed.
Does the reasonable person conclude from this that the registration has been completed.
Just asking...
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I posted the last item initially on LinkedIn. Amazingly certain people took it literally, rather than seeing my attempt at an ironic take on James Cleverly's words concerning migrant processing. I shall have to be less subtle.
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I am convinced that Toby Young is a pastiche of a neo-conservative commentator. However, I do occasionally read one of his pieces. He is a supporter of Queen's Park Rangers Football Club, a hobby which appears to be genuinely followed and not as an arch-Brexiteer nod to ordinary folk. He wrote of a trip to see QPR play away to Millwall:
'The last time I went, with all four kids in tow, we were locked in a metal cage at the exit. This was for our own safety, the stewards explained, pointing to a group of tattooed thugs a few yards away making throat-cutting gestures'.
And they still call it the beautiful game. (PS Note also Wolves v West Brom in the FA Cup)
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Luke Littler has a lot going for him. An alliterative name for one, not forgetting his ability to shoot some mean arrows on no more than 45 minutes practice a day. But the lad has to be careful about his kebab diet and developing beer belly. 'Luke, do not let obesity be your destiny!'
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I remember writing some time ago about the C19 slave trader proclivities of certain African nations. I was reminded of this by 'Survivors - The Lost Stories of the Last Captives of the Atlantic Slave Trade', a book for which I have read a review but which will take me five years to get to, given my burgeoning reading list. The nation mentioned here was Dahomey. This of course is not suitable history to present for the decolonisation movement.
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I believe it is Burger King rather than McDonalds that have 'the Whoppa". Well, in due course they may be able to promote 'the Sunak'.
'I said that this government would clear the backlog of asylum seekers by the end of 2023. That's exactly what we have done.'
When:
- Backlog was only applications made before 28 June 2022
- 4,500 of those decisions were still unresolved.
- The overall asylum backlog still stands at around 100,000.
Fries with your burger, Mt Sunak?
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What Sunak was doing (and I have written much on this before) is the performative, making a statement to get an impact where the statement is at minimum disingenuous. I have discovered a quotation from the writer Jonathan Swift (1667-1745) when Dean of St Patrick's Cathedral Dublin, which shows how the trick had been used and sussed a long time ago. Here it is:
'Falsehood flies, and truth comes limping after it. so that when men come to be deceived , it is too late, the jest is over, and the tale hath had its effect.'
Good innit?
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The American saxophonist Jean Toussaint: 'Americans don't travel that much, so they don't know anything'. Noted this after watching an excellent ITV documentary on the Trump revival.
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It would be outrageous to quibble with the renowned film critic 'Deborah Ross', but in her review of 'One Life' she referred to Nicholas Winton (played by Anthony Hopkins as older and Johnny Flynn as younger) as '...the British stockbroker who arranged the Kindertransport that saved hundreds of almost certain death in the Holocaust...'
Students of history will know that the Kindertransport is an umbrella term for children rescued from Nazi Germany, Austria and Czechoslovakia. Winton's singlehanded initiative (with support) concerned the latter, with over 600 children saved.
I confess feeling picky pedantic writing this. The story on film tells itself, and my God, you need the Kleenex.
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This is an old chestnut for me, but surely headline writers must be working tongue in cheek when (BBC online example) they put down:
'Arsenal 0 - Crystal Palace 0 - Jesus returns for the Gunners'
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It's a beef tartare croque monsieur, described by the Evening Standard food writer as:
'...a decorous miniature ham toastie, enrobed in a golden spill of melted cheese, piled with a glistening, thick-chunked heaping of raw meat and packing a delirious, messy tussle of bovine funk, piercing brine, and mellowing lactic sweetness.'
Which proves that the primary credential of a restaurant critic is the ability to write bollocks.
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I was chatting to an Uber driver (apologies to any who must fashion a crucifix with hands at this mention). Naturally he was not a Johnny Englander, and Daily Mail types might doubt the chances of insightful conversation, but he got straight to the point, observing that for most Brits stopping the boats was a significantly less important issue than cost of living and the NHS.
I remembered this when seeing the results of a January survey on issues of concern by Ipsos, where the rankings were:
Immigration: 22%
NHS: 31%
Inflation: 35%
Economy: 38%
In 2019, the Tories were still able to generate max torque off of Brexit and take back control. Today?
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I hope you all watched Mr Bates v The Post Office. If you did this live then you would have had to suffer the adverts, including the excruciating 'On The Beach' effort.
The On The Beach schtick is that if you book with them you get free access to 'the Lounge'. The two leading characters in this 30 seconds of bilge are Twat Dad, and incipient Luke Littler son. The latter clears the buffet table like a veteran of Supermarket Sweep, emerging by the pool wearing a big rubber ring.
I don't know where 'the Lounge' is, but I can tell you that the average user of an airport lounge would not be seen dead in it. My gripe is how the advert is utterly patronising: it's about 'ordinary' families who have their once a year holiday in the sun, and for this are lucky to be given a privilege afforded only to the wealthy. It is nauseous.
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A salutary fact. I burn in a 40/45 minute gym session as many calories as I consume in one mince pie. How has the January 'new you' gone?
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